OUT OF FOCUS

NATPE 2008. Anyone?

I will be attending this year's NATPE conference that is in four weeks. If you are attending and would like to meet up, leave me a comment.

Coming Out of the Closet

I have been dying to come out of the closet.  I just don’t want my friends and family to know. Five things that make me a Closeted Geek:

1.    I listen to tech podcasts (Web 2.0 Show in particular) and send enthusiastic fan mail to the creators.

2.    I like to “talk code” when the time is right.

3.    I attend Tech Meetups with hopes that someday I will meet “the right programmer”.

4.    I will only approach men who wear specs, are skinny and appear socially awkward. Men who refer to platforms as operating systems and not something that I should be wearing on my feet.

5.    I “cruise” the computer section at Barnes N’ Noble making occasional eye contact with the Linux girl hoping she’ll strike up a conversation. She usually backs off.

Last night, on one of my closeted outings, I attended a Tech Meetup at Cooper Union where there are six entrepreneurs presenting their latest applications. Two applications that I loved were HitTail and UpNext.  HitTail is more than just SEO for bloggers. It helps you target the right keys words that are specific to your blog.   Check it out.  You will be pleasantly surprised.  UpNext is the coolest three dimensional cityscape of New York City that allows users to visually search for bars, restaurants, clubs, etc. Here is a list of the other talented presenters:

1. HitTail, Mike Levin
2. Confabb, Jason Rozenblat
3. Diet Television, Ken Seiff
4. UpNext, Danny Moon
5. Parkwhiz, Jon Thornton
6. Amazon (EC2& S3), Jinesh Varia
7. [World Premier Unveiling of Stealth Project], William Carlough
+ inevitable iPhone & Facebook chatter...

 

Paid for by NY Tech Meet Up (the $5 y'all pay at the door), the VC firm of DFJ Gotham, and the law firm of Wilson Sonsini.

Things To Do When You're Not Cyberly Connected

This past week, I forgot about the joys of moving.  No, I didn’t move from coast to coast or town to town.  In New York City, moves never consist of more than 100 feet.  I moved from the fifth floor in my building to the first floor. With no Internet access.

So I made the daring decision to live for a week without being cyberly connected.

Here is a list of things I discovered to do when not cyberly connected:

1.    Have eye contact with someone.  Yes, believe it or not, eye contact is still a popular form of body language that will allow you to communicate with another person.  When your nose is not buried in a Blackberry, your chances of human interaction are far greater.
2.    Explore the Card Catalog. Just in the island of Manhattan alone, there are over 50 local libraries.  A library is a concrete structure built to contain books and other materials for reading and study.  The Card Catalog is a descriptive record of library holdings printed on cards and arranged in cabinets in a definite order.  The Dewey Decimal System is the classification system used for the books.  I know.  It’s confusing!

3.    Visit a grocery store. Without Fresh Direct showing up at your door, consider a field trip to your local grocery store, or if you dare, Supermarket.  The florescent lighting is quite hypnotic and bring a sweater.  The freezer section is very cold.  Even in the summer.

4.    Show up at a friend’s house.  Do not be startled if you experienced hostility from your best friend.  Your courtesy visit may be misconstrued as “rude”, “weird” or just plain “sinister” because you did not email them or text them first.

5.    Visit a museum.   Rather than Google “Zoo Animals” consider seeing them frozen in time in a museum. If you’ve ever wondered where your ancestors came from but couldn’t ask them because they don’t have Internet access, visit the Museum of Natural History where you can see where they came from; a lineage of grunting hairy creatures called Neanderthals.

6.    Read the Bible.  Find out more about Jesus in the Bible versus Wikipedia.  It’s longer than Atlas Shrugged and lacks colorful pictures. I couldn’t read it.  I have A.D.D. But you can.

7.    Refer to yourself by your real name.  It’s all too fun living like as an avatar, but see what it feels like to be just “Bobby” or “Suzie” for a day instead of GasItUp66, AsianInvasion, ChocolateThunda, LoneyLez88 or SpocksCokz. People might just like the real you!

8.    Use a pay phone.  Get to feel what’s its like to be in prison! They may not be the cleanest of fun, but you’re sure to enjoy the jingling of change as you insert it into the slot of a pay phone. For 50 cents, you can talk to your lover for 35 seconds and when the operator asks you to insert more change, tell him/her you’ve “gotta run because your outa change”. And then go enjoy that Frapaccino with that personal trainer you’ve been eyeballing.

9.    Support the local theatre.    Before there was You Tube, there was theatre.  If you’re seeking some drama that is larger than 240 X 480, attend a production of The Seagull at an Off-Broadway theatre. What’s better?  Seeing an actor shoot himself on stage or watching an X-member of a boy band gyrate on camera in the privacy of his own mother’s bedroom? I’ll bring the bullets.

10.    Leave a Bag of Flaming Feces on a doorstep. Yes, an out-dated gag but one still loved by all and guaranteed to get a chuckle from your next-door neighbors! Neighbors who are beyond the age of ever wanting a computer.  Neighbors who, after pranks like yours, still prefer to live in your world than a Cyber one. 

It’s the little things in life they enjoy.  Let’s not forget them.

PROOF THAT YOU TUBE SUCKS AND REVVER ROCKS

Here is proof my friends that You Tube Sucks and Revver Rocks!  This is my 3rd $50 dollar check over the last six months!  Check out some of my videos.

Its a real check..I just had to airbrush the routing and check # for the freaks out there.

DAVID ALLEN IS MY DAVID KORESH DURING TAX TIME

When I was younger it was always my M.O. not to do taxes on time.  Not out of sheer laziness but I figured if the government was more than happy to work out a payment plan, why bother? Look, I am all for paying my fair share, I just don’t get the whole refund thing. Wasn’t that my money to begin with anyway?

When I was gathering my receipts from my file cabinet, I came across a sealed envelop from 1999.  Blowing the dust off it, I opened the envelope and found my old tax returns. It said that my name was Avi Horowitz, I was a broker and I grossed 1.2 million dollars!  Did I actually make that much money in the market under an alias or did I have the wrong tax returns?  I called up my old accountant and told him that I had just found them.  He said, “You shoulda made this phone call eight years ago!”  Embarrassed,  I told him that I thought they were more if I kept the envelop sealed, kind of like a collectible Peewee Herman watch that I have kept sealed.  (Estimated value 14.50?)

ADD Symptom: May be forgetful in daily activities

    That episode inspired me to finally get organized.  And then I had hearts in my eyes! I discovered David Allen.  Thanks to David Allen, a productivity expert, I would never have the impeccable file system and P-Touch Label maker I have today.  I just forget to use them.  His book, Getting Things Done, is down-loadable for ten bucks.  Ten bucks worth spending. For someone who has fully blown ADD , David Allen is my David Koresh.  He is my productivity prophet and if this guy wanted me to drink purple Kool-Aid and die alongside him, I would do it.

                                                   
   

When I think of taxes I think of the image of Uncle Sam and how he was created. Was he a brainstorm during a round table discussion at a big ad firm?
Boss: What we the government needs is a mascot. Jim!
Jim: Ahh..how about a panda bear with a piano tie? 
Boss:  No. Lynn!
Lynn: Oh, shit, ahh…a Fuzzy Koala eating Kiwi?
Boss: God dammit people!!
Jim:  A mascot looking like Bill Maur?
Boss:  Too political…
Lynn: I got it!  Colonel Sanders wearing a Dr. Seuss hat!  And we’ll make ‘em a family member. Uncle Sam!
Jim: Maybe we should think about a children’s book series? 
My name is Uncle
Uncle Sam I am
I need more money
to flush in the can.
Uncle Sam I am.

Good luck with your taxes….

Orli Yakuel's & Eyal Shahar's Patchwork Quilt

Due to my Attention Deficit Disorder I am incapable of reading any lengthy work such as novels, biographies or encyclopedias (if encyclopedias still exist). Instead, I opt for the light reading of items more to the tune of instructional pamphlets, travel brochures and nutritional handouts. And anything with color.  My brain responds to incoming light at neck breaking speed, therefore, if you are using more than two primary colors, you have me hypnotized.  One of my  favorite "closeted" things I like to do at night is cruise the Web 2.0 Directory created by Orli Yakuel and Eyal Shahar.

Its as addicting as Solitaire but more like a game of computer hieroglyphics jumping from one icon to the next and exploring all these entertaining apps.  Unfortunately, since I have the short term memory of Memento, its weeks and sometimes even months when I log back onto these apps unless I backpackit on my list of things to do.

Maybe the reason I am browsing this directory so very often is that I am subconsciously looking for the miracle cure to my attention...the perfect app that will help me read something other than a pop-up book by burning its imprint into my memory.  Until then I will...I just lost my thought. 

Thanks To Merlin Mann

Thanks to Merlin Mann, the creator of 43 Folders, he has introduced personal productivity to my life.  One thing he has taught me is to look at how I prioritize my daily TO DO list. Anyone with ADD will tell you that life simply isn't worth living without a TO DO list. So the first two items on my list today are as follows:

1. Scotchguard my new Lilly Pulitzer  spring rain coat.

2. Do something to advance my career what ever that may be.

After googling "health effects of scotch guard" I stumbled upon a website called Chemical Industry Archives and learned that it may causes liver damage and depletes the ozone layer.  Since I am a fan of the environment as well as Jose Cuervo, I 'll skip the Scotchgard and fantasize about #2 on my list.