OUT OF FOCUS

The Procrastination Syndrome

ADD Symptom: Procrastination.  Lots of it.

As if ADD was not enough, I have just been informed this past weekend (on the boardwalk over a caramel apple by a high school cashier) that I suffer from The Procrastination-Projection Syndrome.  I know. I am just as shocked as you and had no idea that high school kids were really this smart.

It is all starting to make sense to me now:

1.    Procrastinating with college so much that, thirteen years later, I’m still in class.
2.    Procrastinating with therapy so much that I still lie to my therapist.
3.    Procrastination with “finding the right guy” that I actually married the wrong one.
4.    Procrastinating with writing so much that I have accumulated eight file boxes of “notes and ideas” that I haven’t looked at since the Y2K scare.

How better to confirm a medical diagnosis that by getting a second opinion.  Online.  The website, e Not Alone, advertises a book called, The Tomorrow Trap, Unlocking the Secrets of the Procrastination-Projection Syndrome.  Since the cheapest copy on Amazon sells for $1.94, you know it’s got to be reputable.

If I was an ass*ole, I would sue the people who started Stumble Upon because the website does not come with a disclaimer warning readers of its addiction and has only worsened my procrastination. It is more addicting that any drug I have ever tried. You place the Stumble icon in your toolbar and just click on it when the urge strikes.  I just did it and this is what I saw:

How would I have ever learned this and this is the definition of Learning With Fun.

Over the past four weeks, it seems the Wellbutrin has done something for my focus but nothing for my procrastination.  If anyone knows the miracle cure, please find me but don’t tell me its David Allen & Co and his GTD Method.  Reading the first three chapters was like going to the three AA meetings, and on the forth, buying a six-pack on the way there. 

Gotta go Stumble.

Placing A Limitation On Procreation

ADD Symptom:  No tolerance for dinner conversation with the Swiss and Famous.

Dinner conversation was stiff from the start. My husband and I were hosting a dinner at a fancy restaurant for some business clients and friends.  Between the second and third course one Swedish female X-model said she had to make an announcement.  Since her previous conversation consisted of how she spends her money, I was really looking forward to this announcement.   She fidgeted in her chair, heightened herself two or three inches and announced, “Me and Michael are expecting another baby.”
Mind you the dinner table was already peppered with five of their fair-haired kids ranging from three to ten years old.  Forced congratulations started going around the table as if they were rehearsed.  When it was my turn to express my enthusiasm for their baby-to-be, I said, “I’m sorry to hear that”. 

Dead Silence at the table. 

Two seconds later, a burst of laughter as if it was a joke.  It was no joke.

She swung her long, think blond hair back and said, “What did you say?”
“I said, I’m sorry to hear that. Was it an accident?”
Still unsure of how to take my comments she blurted, “Michael and I really want another child”.
“A sixth one?  Why, to start a baseball team?” I asked.
Then the other voices started mumbling over the uncomfortable conversation hoping I would change the subject.
Glaring defensively she said, “No, I love having a big family.”
“So do the Brady’s and the Bradford’s but that was television in the 70’s and this is ‘07", I added.
“I don’t care what year it is, I just love to take care of them.”
“So do your two nannies, I said sarcastically.”
“Are you saying I‘m a bad mother because I have help?”
“I’m not saying it, but your kids will.”
“So what are you trying to say?”
“I’m just saying, whether you worked on Wall Street or made quilts and sold them at street fairs, that would justify you having two nannies. But all you do is lunch.  That’s all you’ve been talking about the last half hour. And lunching will only make you fat and who wants to be fat with six kids? Certainly not your god-looking husband. Personally, I would feel a bit like a Retriever. Having a litter of pups around me and not knowing if another one is going to pop out.”

I don’t know if its ADD and an uncontrollable firing of the tongue, as my therapist would say, but its moments like these where I just can’t stop. I wanna say like it is.  With no second thoughts, just a true stream of consciousness. Plus, she was on my tab so I figured all the more reason to tell her the truth.
I had no intention to humiliate Swiss Miss in front of the other guests, I just wanted to say in front of her what other people say behind her back. 

Nothing bothers me more than couples who place no limitations on their procreation.  I don’t care if you’re Catholic, Mormon or of a religion that believes the more sons you have the more explosives you can strap on them, there’s just no reason to have that many kids when there’s so many damn people already.

As I made my casual exit from the table  that evening, I felt I owed her an apology for being so opinionated.  So I bent down to where she was still seated and I whispered, "You might wanna lay off the fondue while you lunch or your husband's gonna be enjoying more hot totties in the ski lodge. It was nice meeting you".

I have been officially banned from business dinners.