OUT OF FOCUS

Congress Passes Law, Being Gay For A Day

Its 2009.

Being a gay advocate and self-proclaimed fruit fly, I propose this year to be the year for all to come out of the closet. 

From Hollywood Starlets to Political Heavies, wouldn't it be nice if we could all just be gay for a day?Think about it.

In former Congressman Mark Foley's case, why bother with the cryptic texts to the Pool Boy when you can send them openly and lovingly? 

In Tom Cruise's case, why bother with the couch dancing on Oprah when he can ravage Rob Thomas in his trailer's pull-out sofa?

Wouldn't it be better to have Anderson Cooper report the news in a Speedo from atop a rainbow colored float?Senator Larry Craig would spend less time in the latrine?

 

Wouldn't it be nice if Congress could focus on laws worth passing? 

ITS REALLY THIS SIMPLE:

STEP ONE: A Congress member draws up a bill entitled "BEING GAY FOR A DAY". 

He meets with fellow closeted committee and presents the bill for review and debate over pink cosmo's.

STEP TWO: In the dark, metallic chamber, the bill is debated over.  If amended, it is sent back to the committee to be discussed over sloppy seconds.  If its put on hold, than that would really suck. No, seriously.

STEP THREE: Three drinks later and plastered, the boys submit the bill to the second chamber. If accepted, bill is up for debate and a vote.  Free drinks for everyone.  If amended, back to the first house where more jaw-jacking happily takes place.

STEP FOUR: Let's just say the bill is accepted and sent to the President to be signed into law or vetoed. All are gay and festive. 

Let the party begin.

I'd rather have The Village People running this country.  God, I miss the late 70's.

 

Cosmo costume courtesy of www.halloweenme.com

That's Jihad! A board game for the whole family...

(The following blog entry is for entertainment purposes only.  If it offends you, that means I'm a good writer)

For those of you who are too young to remember, before Gameboys, Xbox and the Wii, there lived something called a Board Game.  Considered a cherished historical artifact today, the board game lacked both computer chips and violence and would come neatly packaged with small plastic game pieces and a cardboard playing field that folded away neatly into a cardboard box.  Board games were games of strategy, played by moving pieces on a board and sometimes involving dice, way smaller than the enlarged furry one’s from the 80’s seen hanging from a Z28 rear-view mirror.  Small cubes with each side having a different number of spots on it, ranging from one to six, are thrown and used in games involving chance.   

I have fears.  Not of board games but of the next presidential election.  I am afraid that a very liberal president will enter office and start waving the white flag, and not taking the threat of Islamic extremism as seriously as it should be.  

I wonder if a board game like That's Jihad! would be a hit at the next New York Times staff party...

             

   (To be read in an enthusiastic radio announcer voice)

New from Milton Bradley, a game board for the whole family!

THAT’S JIHAD!

The player with the most beheading shoots first! 

There's Suicide Sammy-is that an Israeli coffee shop?  

Double your points! But watch out!  The Israeli's got Uzi's. 

Lose a turn and take the monkey bars back to Guantanamo Bay! 

Land on Osama and pick an Al Qaeda card.

Al Akbar!  You've blown up the French Embassy!  

Free parking in Tora Bora for some fun in the sun!

Spin a seven and surfs up!  Ride on the back of an RPG rocket!  

Triple your points!

The first player to kill all enemies and infidels, wins!

New from Milton Bradley-

THAT’S JIHAD!

 A blast for the whole family!