New Self-Help Book, Believe In Your Lies

Everyone wants to be a millionaire. Including this guy:

Introducing self-help author and self-proclaimed millionaire, Stan Matterhorn. What's so great about Stan is that he's not waiting to become a millionaire. He's already acts like one, therefore, he is one.

His is busy at work with a soon-to-be-released self-help book, Start Believing Your Lies; How the lies you tell will impact your life for the better, teaches one just that; how to start believing your lies.

Mr. Matterhorn opened the doors of his home to me and sat down for a brief interview:

Kali: Mr. Matterhorn, thank you for talking to me about your new book, Start Believing Your Lies.

Mr. Matterhorn: Call me M.

Kali: Ugh, OK...M. M, why did you write this book?

M: Why do you want to know?

Kali: Because this is an interview-

M: OK, then. I wrote this book because I was unhappy with my life. And I wanted to make a change.
I was mowing lawns for twenty some odd years. One day, I'm on this palatial estate, mowing away, inhaling pesticides, when all of a sudden I said to myself, I used to smoke grass not cut it. What happened? And then a voice whispered to me and said, "Stan, start believing your lies". And I did.

Kali: Sort of like, "If you build it, he will come"?

M: I don't know what that means-

Kali: It's from a Kevin Costner film. Forget it. So what happened after that?

M: I went home and took a shower.

Kali: No, I mean, what happened after that? the revelation?

M: I rang the doorbell of the palatial estate and the wealthy heiress answered the door-

Kali: No butler?

M: No butler. And that's when I said to her, "I don't need to mow your lawn because I have more money than you".

Kali: Did you?

M: No.

Kali: You believed your own lie-

M: Yes, I believed my own lie-

Kali: And then you started making money-

M: No I never did. But I keep believing my lies.

Kali: I don't get it.

M: I have more money now than I could ever have imagined because I believe in my own lies. There's nothing I don't need in life because, through lying, I have everything I need.

Kali: So are you lying right now?

M: About what?

Kali: Having everything you need?

M: You mean, the actual lie that I tell myself or the belief in the lie?

Kali: Yes.

M: No , it's no lie. I have everything I need.

Kali: Relationships?

M: Numerous.

Kali: Polygamous?

M: No, fruitful.

Kali: How do you maintain more than one relationship?

M: By being the best mate I can possibly be.

Kali: Is that a lie?

M: To myself, yes. To you, no.

Kali: Isn't that a bit narcassistic?

M: It's altrustic.

Kali: But its all a lie?

M: In theory.

*****
At that moment Mr. Matterhorn or M, as he likes being called, had to excuse himself because his personal masseuse was coming over for his morning massage. I don't know if that was a lie or not but when he emerged from the bedroom, dressed in his ornate Chinese Kimono, he was more relaxed than his Persian cat nestled on top of his coffeemaker. Or was that I lie? Did I really see his cat warming on top of his Boca Java? Or was that the part where, I too, started believing his lies?

He made his way to the kitchen where I patiently waited and motioned me to sit on his antique bed centered in his kitchen.
"This way I can have breakfast in bed everyday", he said tearing off a large chuck of Irish soda bread.

That was no lie. The only other advice M offered from his book is to live by the Triple D's:

Deception- Misleading those for the benefit of others is as altruistic as one can get.
Dishonesty-Don't stand up for what you believe in. The truth will only cause chaos and where there's chaos, there's violence.
Doublespeak-The heart of a relationship.

I don't know how anyone can be attracted to the idea of Triple D's but M swore Triple D's are the core of what life is all about.

I haven't decided if I am going to read his book but I did leave with this:

Life is an Oxymoron. Start lying.