OUT OF FOCUS

How To Incorporate Your Love Of Tap Dancing Into Your Already Overbooked Chaotic Life

ADD Symptom: Lacking Time Management Skills. Huh?

The last two weeks I have been neglecting this blog in an attempt to export it as a book. Since I have a little over 200 posts, with maybe 150 being entertainment worthy, here is:

My ALGORITHM

1 POST TO EDIT IN 1 DAY = 200 POSTS TO EDIT= IN 200 DAYS=6 MONTHS+6 DAYS= HELL NO

I don't see this as a possibility and I will tell you why. People like myself have the inability to finish a long, focused task as this one and I blame it on three very important things lacking in my life:

1. A Beach House: Not on the water but across the street from the water. Too close would
make the breaking waves a distraction.

2. The One-Step Bean Grinding Espresso Maker with Self-Timer: I don't drink espresso but
I would start.
Brewing my own coffee is a distraction. It leads to polishing the stainless steel coffee pot which then leads to compulsive cleaning frenzy.

3. An Egotistical Frenchman: Someone with thick silver hair who smoke incessantly, wears
an ascot and occasionally strokes my ego between bouts of self-doubt.

Since I lack these three very magical elements and since my brain's been firing off in different directions, here are some of the latest ways I have been eating up my evening's allotted book editing minutes:

1. Taking tap dancing classes after having the priviledge of seeing a high school production of A Chorus
Line on Broadway.

2. Editing a still video montage of me and a Hillary Clinton doll.

3. Watching Season 2 DVD set of Lost ad adding anxiety to my already strong fear of flying.

4. Experiencing none of the holistic and beneficial effects of Ashtanga Yoga but rather a slipped disk and stiff neck.

5. Filing and refiling files with no filing system.

I see something shiny....

This Is Where I'm At Right Now

I often read Tara McGillicuddy's blog about ADHD and today's blog post really hit me hard.  I get Julie's story. The ability to multi-task to the point where others may label you as overworked or think you are insane to overburden yourself with so many activities and "projects". 

At over-energized state of mind.

So now, I am one two pills:

One that speeds me up

and

One that supposed to slow me down...

I feel like Alice Through the Looking Glass.

The Monkey On My Back

The most commonly used phrase by those with Attention Deficit is unquestionably, "I forgot". 

After an anxiety attack on the plane: "Oh my God, I forgot to take my Xanax"

After a minor break in: "Sh*t, I forgot to call the cops."

After getting caught buying liquor for minors: "Damn, I forgot to use a fake name".

Its non-stop forgetfulness that can be tremendously frustrating....until I found:

(Cue Commercial Music) Monkey On Your Back 

Monkey On Your Back is a To-Do List for things you want other people To-Do.

Now you too can delegate your responsibilities onto others and not feel guilty for slacking off.

Its an incredibly effective way of staying organized and you can also send monkeys to yourself.

Try it.

 

 

Happy Anniversary

A.D.D. Symptom: Starting tasks and never finishing them. Wait, I finished something.

One year ago today, I did something I never did before; I set myself a goal.  Could I write for one full year without giving up or getting sidetracked ?  Could I finally get all my thoughts out of my head, out of my file cabinets and my many scraps of scribbled napkins?

Thank you to those whom I've gotten to know over the year; those who leave their entertaining and occasional cynical comments and those who "hope they find a cure for whatever it is that you have, Kali".

Wellbutrin.  Ask your doctor about it.

 

Studies find MAGIC 8 BALL a cure for ADHD

My shrink told me this week that I could not stay on Wellbutrin forever and must "learn to find my own focus and learn how to make choices for myself". Well that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. I told her she's a shrink, not a philosopher.  So I went home and took her advice.  If I can't answer life's hard questions for myself, the Magic 8 ball can.  It's the best anniversary present I have gotten so far.

If only I had thought of this sooner:

1.  Will my blogging stats go up?









2. Will I sell my mac mini this week on eBay?

2. Will I sell my mac mini this week on eBay?

3. Will I have a panic attack the first day back at Temple U?

4. Will I always be afraid of mice?

5. Will I always be a compulsive crank caller?

If you have a question that needs to be asked, please post it. I will 8 ball you later.

Good night.

Wellbutrin; A Preventative for Throwing Dishes

A.D.D. Symptom: Tempermental. No, really.

I throw dishes when I am angry. I used to blame it on being Greek but I  realize it’s a characteristic of my A.D.D. Other items I have thrown include:

Snapple bottles at construction workers after unnecessary catcalls.
Hot coffee at a random pedestrian for hissing at me.
An ashtray full of loose change at a driver sticking his tongue out of at me.
A garbage bag full of discount eye wear flyers as I walked into the store that had littered my neighborhood with them.  Yes, I had the hyper-focus to pick all of them up.

Correction. I used to throw dishes when I was angry. I no longer partake in plate smashing. There are certain pleasures one must give up after becoming a parent.

So after taking a four-year hiatus from Wellbutrin, I have decided to go back on the drug.  I am hoping that after three weeks on the drug, the neurons in my brain will start firing off a bit slower. And my temper will go from an over-boiled to a slow simmer. 

The first time I went on Wellbutrin, I remember my first moment of clarity I had. I was loading the dishwasher and recall thinking, “My God, I can actually load the dishwasher from start to finish without the  anxiety and without walking away?”  It was as a light finally illuminated in my brain after being in the dark for so long. I stopped taking the drug after I got pregnant and never went back on it.

My biggest fear of going back on the drug is the idea of losing my frenetic energy and sporadic bursts of creativity; saying goodbye to life as a roller coaster ride and instead, welcome it as a relaxing game of miniature golf.

If you are prone to seizures, do not take Wellbutrin.  If you would like to read more about the drug go to: http://scienceblogs.com/corpuscallosum/2007/07/selection_of_antidepressants_w.php.

Oh, and water balloons. I still throw those off the West Side Highway.

Fergie Coughs Up Brillo Pad on Stage

Fergie of the Black Eyed Peas just came out with an incredible single entitled, Big Girls Don't Cry.
An amazing talent, the singer can't get any sexier and the song can't get any catchier but I will say that she is entirely wrong.  Yes, Big Girls Do Cry.
Monday through Friday and sometimes for the most frivolous things. 

A last cigarette with a whole in the side, will make me cry.

The wrong Chinese Food delivered to my door at midnight will make me cry.

Another Paris Hilton album will not only make me cry, it will make me use. 

And that brings us to the subject of Crystal Meth (a great name for a porn star), the drug that Fergie admits she had been abusing.  I don't mind that she was using.  I'd be more judgmental if she was on an all Raw Foods diet.  I pray that she gets off the smack. For Good. 

I didn't know what exactly Crystal Meth was.  So I Googled it. Boy, was I both frightened and pleased at the same time.  Frightened because I saw a series of pictures of a prostitute using Meth over a ten year period.  Pictures so shocking I refuse to put it on my blog because I am afraid I might scare you, my readers, and give you nightmares. But pleased to find out that A.D.D is a natural form of Crystal Meth without the anxiety, irritability, insomnia, paranoia, and sometimes even psychosis. Oh, and death.

Here are some side effects of A.D.D.:

1. mood elevation

2. increased alertness

3. increase energy

4. reduced fatigue

5. increased movement and speech

6. a sense of increased personal power and prowess.

Here are some side effects of Crystal Meth:

1. mood elevation

2. increased alertness

3. increase energy

4. reduced fatigue

5. increased movement and speech

6. a sense of increased personal power and prowess.

How fantastic. I can have all that and more without having to swallow:

a book of matches

Red Devil's lye (ya got me?)

gasoline

a Michelin tire

rubbing alcohol (thank you, Kitty Dukakis)

Coleman's Fuel

nail polish remover

a Brillo Pad

WARNING: FOR READERS UNDER THE LEGAL AGE OF 18 OR READERS WHO ARE SIMPLETONS, I AM NOT ADVOCATING THE USE OF CRYSTAL METH.  THIS IS ONLY A BLOG MEANT TO ENTERTAIN.  I REPEAT.  THIS IS ONLY A BLOG MEANT TO ENTERTAIN.

On that note, here are some very bad things about Crystal Meth:

anxiety, irritability, insomnia, paranoia, and sometimes even psychosis.

Oh, and death.

Fergie, I thought I'd never say this, but I wish you had A.D.D.

Improv is the Cure for those who have A.D.D.

I sometimes wonder how I ever performed in stage plays
with my A.D.D.  How is it that I ever remembered my
lines?  I never pulled a Brando by posting my lines on my fellow actor's forehead.  Maybe that's just where hyperfocus comes in. Look, I know real acting is focusing on the moment to moment actions of the character and not the lines, but its still gotta make me wonder? How did I ever remember who the character was?  If I was playing Blanche in a Streetcar, what prevented me from going back on stage as Stanley screaming Stellllaaaaaaaa!

Doesn't matter.  I never played Blanche in a Streetcar but I did play Rheba, the black maid in You Can't Take It With You.  I also played the role in Black Face.  No seriously, I was fourteen at the time and I had no idea that doing such a thing was deemed racist.  In fact, the stage director applauded the idea.  I wonder if he's still got his teaching license in the state of New Jersey.  If only I had had the parents in the audience flashing pictures! The were probably too busy arguing who forgot to bring the flashbulbs.  Oops, Sorry.  I meant these flashbulbs.

For those who have A.D.D., I highly suggest taking classes with Kim Schultz, an incredible improv teacher in New York.  I started taking class with her when I was eight months pregnant and my baby came out "giving me the finger".  Friend and family thought, "Oh, how cute!" but I knew it was Kim's class that made my baby funny.  I mean, her timing couldn't have been more perfect.  That's improv!

Come check out one of her shows this Sunday.

7 PM @ Ha! Comedy Club

163 West 46th Street  New York City 10036

$7 cover/1 drink

Kentucky Friend Failure and A.D.D.

Some years back, amidst the chaos of my A.D.D., I decided to shoot a film.  It was a film that emulated my favorite cult classics; Kentucky Fried Movie, Groove Tube and Amazon Women on the Moon. It was called Channel Surfing, a film encompassing a collection of skits poking fun at today’s television and pop culture. I ran out of money and could not finish the film so I cut into a TV pilot.  Brilliant move on my part.  In never aired not did it get picked up but at some point in time, I will set up a blog and pay tribute to my long forgotten Channel Surfing.  In the meantime, I will tease you, my blogging audience with some bits and pieces...

Last night, I sat around a table of filmmakers at Cafe Noir.

After a round of mojitos and an hour's worth of conversation, I divulge my personal experience of spending thousands of dollars on a film, never having been able to finish the film and never reaping any financial benefits from it.  "Oh, that's nothing.  Everyone has one of those under their belt", one filmmaker told me.  I needed to hear that. 

I guess its the unpredictability of the “creative process” and the insatiable desire to keep creating that keeps me inspired as an artist to "keep on truckin...."

Friends Who Have Friends Who Have A.D.D.

Enough about me.  What about them? 
This friend does NOT have A.D.D but he does have
a great song style and enough focus to put an album together :) Please post your comments and let him know what you think!

Jeff Garfinkle