OUT OF FOCUS

Time Management Without Wellbutrin for ADHD? A bust.

I began this blog back in March 2007 as an experiment to see if, in fact, a daily dose of Wellbutrin,  could help me perform a task consecutively for one year.

Well, March 2008 I had confirmed my hypothesis: 

Taking Wellbutrin will keep you blogging for one consecutive year and give you the focus that you need to accomplish your goals. 

August of 2008, just three months ago, I started tapering off the drug, and being off it completely now for four weeks, the mental perplexity has begun once again. 

Its hard to put in words for those who have never experienced chaotic, short-circuited and uncontrollable brain activity.  The child-like giddiness is back and the hyper-desire to tackle anything and everything is with me 24/7.  As I reluctantly set out to "achieve everything on my daily To Do List"   I find that on my desk still lies:

1. A pile of cooking resumes that were supposed to be mailed out a month ago.

2. Phone calls to Health Insurance companies that should have been made weeks ago.

3. An overflowing IN BOX that was once empty...

But here's the unique juncture:

This is one of the many unnecessary tasks I find myself performing while I stare at my long-awaited To Do List:

1. Attempting to open up a free checking account for my Wheatan after reading about Trouble, Leona Helmsley's Maltese, who was left a plush inheritance of 12 million dollars.

It went something like this:

INT. BANK- DAY 

KALI

Good morning. 

BANK TELLER 

Good Morning, welcome to Citibank. How can I help you? 

KALI 

I'd like open up a free checking for my dog, please. 

BANK TELLER 

Your dog? 

KALI 

Yes. 

BANK TELLER 

(la-de-da laughter)

We don't open accounts for pets.  

KALI 

(mocking her la-de-la laughter)

Leona Helmsley left a will for her dog. I'd like a free checking for mine. 

BANK TELLER 

We don't- 

KALI 

I'd like to see a manager, please- 

BANK TELLER 

I'm sorry, what is your name? 

KALI 

Kali. Kali Karagias. 

BANK TELLER 

Sounds like a super hero? 

KALI 

That was racist-

(insert awkwardness here)

BANK TELLER

One moment. 

TELLER WALKS AWAY AS KALI PETS HER DOG LOVINGLY. MANAGER ENTERS APPROACHING KALI.

MANAGER 

Hi, you must be Ms. Car-a-GEE-iz? 

KALI 

Not really but OK. 

MANAGER 

Evelyn informed me that you would like to open up an account for your dog but unfortunately we don't offer services for pets. 

KALI 

So your racist? 

MANAGER 

Beg your pardon? 

KALI 

You won't do it because my dog's black. 

MANAGER 

It has nothing-

KALI 

Leona's Maltese was white and got millions and I can't open up a free checking? Its because he's black, isn't it? 

MANAGER

Ma'am, I'm black.  Why would I be racist towards your dog?

KALI

Its so typical for a man like yourself to be sexually harassing a piece of ass like myself. I'd like to see the manager, please.

MANAGER

I am the manager.

KALI

No, you're just filling a quota.

MANAGER

Ma'am, if you are going to get belligerent, Im going to have to ask you to leave.  With your dog.

KALI

I'm sorry but the comedic timing was perfect- 

(insert another awkward pause here)

Can I get the balance on my savings?

************

It's NOT uncommon for someone with uncontrollable ADHD to go to that place and place one's foot in one's very large mouth.

Its lack of impulse control and forgetting the obvious that is the biggest struggle.  

Which brings me to this probing thought:

If ADHD and Asperger's Syndrome are both neurobehavioral disorders than can they be congruous in any way?  

I was so reluctant to even ask this question due to the stigma ADHD has had for so long, the stigma that it JUST DOESN'T EXIST.  I am grateful to see that the disease has received some validity by a major media companies like Forbes in the last couple of years. The article, Brain Studies Show ADHD is Real Disease, is worth the read.

.

In last month's, Business Week, there is an inspirational article regarding the success of Bit Torrent'Bram Cohen and his ability to function with Asperger's Syndrome.

I went to a wake last Tuesday and I thought it would be nice to lighten up the mood of the funeral home so when I walked in and saw the coffin from across the room, I asked the deceased's husband, "Is that the open buffet?" 

Is that ADHD, Asperger's or Tourette's?

When The Milk's Gone Bad

When I was in high school, I was most capable of absorbing information when my teacher  "taught by example".  How very ironic, that I, now in the reversed role of teacher, am counseling you on the benefits of multi-tasking with the help of my fictitious friend here, Barabara:

If Barbara can multi-task, so can you. 

Many of you might be wondering, why does Barbara have what looks like two spray bottles hanging from her breasts and what outlandish point is Kali trying to make now?  Well, rather than be harshly critical, I ask you to please be patient, for I promise you there is a lesson to be learned here.

Barbara has two plastic bottles attached to her breast because she is being milked, or in suburban slang terms, "is pumping" milk for her baby, assuming there is one.  I know what half of you are thinking right now: "that milk is most likely heading into her bosses morning coffee" or "if Barbara serves tomato and mozzarella at her next dinner party, don't touch it".  Those statements are unfair.

Let's assume Barbara is NOT posing for a picture in a Sears portrait studio BUT RATHER-let's pretend here-that Barbara is sitting in the comfort of her own office doing what she does and what people with ADD do best, MULTI-TASKING.  And obviously Barbara's pearly white smile tells us she's no  beating herself up over multi-tasking.  Like many of us with ADD, we are constantly being critized by friends and family that our obsessive multi-tasking leads us to incessant failure and the inability to successfully complete a job well-done.  They are so quick to wave the winning ribbon in our face, "Look at me, look at me, I won another chess contest and that's because all I do with my life is play chess!"  They want us to go home and curl up in a little K-hole while deeply aspiring to be like them.  Well lemme tell you something, it ain't gonna happen because I never played chess but I was a hell-of-a-backgammon-player on roller skates.  It was the late 70's. Beat that.  But unfortunately, there were no "winning ribbons" for roller-skating-Backgammon players.

While Barbara is expressing milk from her breasts, she's got her yearly day planner resting on her lap and probably on the phone with her attorney after being fired from work because she was dictating to her new sixteen-year-old male intern while  "multi-tasking" in front of him.  The intern files a complaint The intern makes the moves on Barbara, Barbara complains to higher management and Barbara gets fired for "multi-tasking" on the job. Meanwhile, the milk's gone bad.  

Apply this anecdote to your life.  Have you ever been fired or referred to as a "lesser employee" because of your constant multi-tasking at work or your so-called "inability to stay focused for more than three minutes" at work? Before your start wishing that you were Barbara and had her kind of money to hire the best attorney to sue the pants off your boss, or are thinking that this was in fact another ludicrous post written by Kali that has taught me absolutely nothing, then you have completely missed the point.

Consider Susan's story:

Lets pretend that Susan is NOT posing for a picture in a Sears portrait studio BUT RATHER-Susan is sitting in the comfort of her ATTORNEY'S office.  Susan is on the phone informing her mother of the astronomical amount of money she was just awarded by the judge under the divorce laws of the state of California.  

Last year, Susan was on her way home from a long weekend trip to her mother's in Connecticut.   Susan, too, was breast-pumping at home, while putting away the days groceries when the phone rang. And then hung up. Susan cautiously stopped  putting away her groceries when she heard what sounded like the running of a shower head.  Still "multi-tasking", Susan headed her way towards the bathroom where, to her surprise, found her supposedly-hardworking accountant-of-a-husband in the shower with an underage Asian hooker.  

Moral of the story: If it weren't for Susan's "multi-tasking" abilities, she still would have been at her mother's breast-pumping and Susan would have never been witness to her husband's infidelity, therefore, never been awarded the 2. 5 million in assets. 

Sadly, Barbara's story does not have the optimistic ending that Susan's does.  Your story may not either but that's not the point.  The point is that ADD & MULTI-TASKING can only lead to life opening doors.  Don't let others tell you otherwise.

I hope you've learned something today.

How To Incorporate Your Love Of Tap Dancing Into Your Already Overbooked Chaotic Life

ADD Symptom: Lacking Time Management Skills. Huh?

The last two weeks I have been neglecting this blog in an attempt to export it as a book. Since I have a little over 200 posts, with maybe 150 being entertainment worthy, here is:

My ALGORITHM

1 POST TO EDIT IN 1 DAY = 200 POSTS TO EDIT= IN 200 DAYS=6 MONTHS+6 DAYS= HELL NO

I don't see this as a possibility and I will tell you why. People like myself have the inability to finish a long, focused task as this one and I blame it on three very important things lacking in my life:

1. A Beach House: Not on the water but across the street from the water. Too close would
make the breaking waves a distraction.

2. The One-Step Bean Grinding Espresso Maker with Self-Timer: I don't drink espresso but
I would start.
Brewing my own coffee is a distraction. It leads to polishing the stainless steel coffee pot which then leads to compulsive cleaning frenzy.

3. An Egotistical Frenchman: Someone with thick silver hair who smoke incessantly, wears
an ascot and occasionally strokes my ego between bouts of self-doubt.

Since I lack these three very magical elements and since my brain's been firing off in different directions, here are some of the latest ways I have been eating up my evening's allotted book editing minutes:

1. Taking tap dancing classes after having the priviledge of seeing a high school production of A Chorus
Line on Broadway.

2. Editing a still video montage of me and a Hillary Clinton doll.

3. Watching Season 2 DVD set of Lost ad adding anxiety to my already strong fear of flying.

4. Experiencing none of the holistic and beneficial effects of Ashtanga Yoga but rather a slipped disk and stiff neck.

5. Filing and refiling files with no filing system.

I see something shiny....

This Is Where I'm At Right Now

I often read Tara McGillicuddy's blog about ADHD and today's blog post really hit me hard.  I get Julie's story. The ability to multi-task to the point where others may label you as overworked or think you are insane to overburden yourself with so many activities and "projects". 

At over-energized state of mind.

So now, I am one two pills:

One that speeds me up

and

One that supposed to slow me down...

I feel like Alice Through the Looking Glass.

The Monkey On My Back

The most commonly used phrase by those with Attention Deficit is unquestionably, "I forgot". 

After an anxiety attack on the plane: "Oh my God, I forgot to take my Xanax"

After a minor break in: "Sh*t, I forgot to call the cops."

After getting caught buying liquor for minors: "Damn, I forgot to use a fake name".

Its non-stop forgetfulness that can be tremendously frustrating....until I found:

(Cue Commercial Music) Monkey On Your Back 

Monkey On Your Back is a To-Do List for things you want other people To-Do.

Now you too can delegate your responsibilities onto others and not feel guilty for slacking off.

Its an incredibly effective way of staying organized and you can also send monkeys to yourself.

Try it.

 

 

Happy Anniversary

A.D.D. Symptom: Starting tasks and never finishing them. Wait, I finished something.

One year ago today, I did something I never did before; I set myself a goal.  Could I write for one full year without giving up or getting sidetracked ?  Could I finally get all my thoughts out of my head, out of my file cabinets and my many scraps of scribbled napkins?

Thank you to those whom I've gotten to know over the year; those who leave their entertaining and occasional cynical comments and those who "hope they find a cure for whatever it is that you have, Kali".

Wellbutrin.  Ask your doctor about it.

 

Studies find MAGIC 8 BALL a cure for ADHD

My shrink told me this week that I could not stay on Wellbutrin forever and must "learn to find my own focus and learn how to make choices for myself". Well that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. I told her she's a shrink, not a philosopher.  So I went home and took her advice.  If I can't answer life's hard questions for myself, the Magic 8 ball can.  It's the best anniversary present I have gotten so far.

If only I had thought of this sooner:

1.  Will my blogging stats go up?









2. Will I sell my mac mini this week on eBay?

2. Will I sell my mac mini this week on eBay?

3. Will I have a panic attack the first day back at Temple U?

4. Will I always be afraid of mice?

5. Will I always be a compulsive crank caller?

If you have a question that needs to be asked, please post it. I will 8 ball you later.

Good night.

Wellbutrin; A Preventative for Throwing Dishes

A.D.D. Symptom: Tempermental. No, really.

I throw dishes when I am angry. I used to blame it on being Greek but I  realize it’s a characteristic of my A.D.D. Other items I have thrown include:

Snapple bottles at construction workers after unnecessary catcalls.
Hot coffee at a random pedestrian for hissing at me.
An ashtray full of loose change at a driver sticking his tongue out of at me.
A garbage bag full of discount eye wear flyers as I walked into the store that had littered my neighborhood with them.  Yes, I had the hyper-focus to pick all of them up.

Correction. I used to throw dishes when I was angry. I no longer partake in plate smashing. There are certain pleasures one must give up after becoming a parent.

So after taking a four-year hiatus from Wellbutrin, I have decided to go back on the drug.  I am hoping that after three weeks on the drug, the neurons in my brain will start firing off a bit slower. And my temper will go from an over-boiled to a slow simmer. 

The first time I went on Wellbutrin, I remember my first moment of clarity I had. I was loading the dishwasher and recall thinking, “My God, I can actually load the dishwasher from start to finish without the  anxiety and without walking away?”  It was as a light finally illuminated in my brain after being in the dark for so long. I stopped taking the drug after I got pregnant and never went back on it.

My biggest fear of going back on the drug is the idea of losing my frenetic energy and sporadic bursts of creativity; saying goodbye to life as a roller coaster ride and instead, welcome it as a relaxing game of miniature golf.

If you are prone to seizures, do not take Wellbutrin.  If you would like to read more about the drug go to: http://scienceblogs.com/corpuscallosum/2007/07/selection_of_antidepressants_w.php.

Oh, and water balloons. I still throw those off the West Side Highway.

Fergie Coughs Up Brillo Pad on Stage

Fergie of the Black Eyed Peas just came out with an incredible single entitled, Big Girls Don't Cry.
An amazing talent, the singer can't get any sexier and the song can't get any catchier but I will say that she is entirely wrong.  Yes, Big Girls Do Cry.
Monday through Friday and sometimes for the most frivolous things. 

A last cigarette with a whole in the side, will make me cry.

The wrong Chinese Food delivered to my door at midnight will make me cry.

Another Paris Hilton album will not only make me cry, it will make me use. 

And that brings us to the subject of Crystal Meth (a great name for a porn star), the drug that Fergie admits she had been abusing.  I don't mind that she was using.  I'd be more judgmental if she was on an all Raw Foods diet.  I pray that she gets off the smack. For Good. 

I didn't know what exactly Crystal Meth was.  So I Googled it. Boy, was I both frightened and pleased at the same time.  Frightened because I saw a series of pictures of a prostitute using Meth over a ten year period.  Pictures so shocking I refuse to put it on my blog because I am afraid I might scare you, my readers, and give you nightmares. But pleased to find out that A.D.D is a natural form of Crystal Meth without the anxiety, irritability, insomnia, paranoia, and sometimes even psychosis. Oh, and death.

Here are some side effects of A.D.D.:

1. mood elevation

2. increased alertness

3. increase energy

4. reduced fatigue

5. increased movement and speech

6. a sense of increased personal power and prowess.

Here are some side effects of Crystal Meth:

1. mood elevation

2. increased alertness

3. increase energy

4. reduced fatigue

5. increased movement and speech

6. a sense of increased personal power and prowess.

How fantastic. I can have all that and more without having to swallow:

a book of matches

Red Devil's lye (ya got me?)

gasoline

a Michelin tire

rubbing alcohol (thank you, Kitty Dukakis)

Coleman's Fuel

nail polish remover

a Brillo Pad

WARNING: FOR READERS UNDER THE LEGAL AGE OF 18 OR READERS WHO ARE SIMPLETONS, I AM NOT ADVOCATING THE USE OF CRYSTAL METH.  THIS IS ONLY A BLOG MEANT TO ENTERTAIN.  I REPEAT.  THIS IS ONLY A BLOG MEANT TO ENTERTAIN.

On that note, here are some very bad things about Crystal Meth:

anxiety, irritability, insomnia, paranoia, and sometimes even psychosis.

Oh, and death.

Fergie, I thought I'd never say this, but I wish you had A.D.D.

Improv is the Cure for those who have A.D.D.

I sometimes wonder how I ever performed in stage plays
with my A.D.D.  How is it that I ever remembered my
lines?  I never pulled a Brando by posting my lines on my fellow actor's forehead.  Maybe that's just where hyperfocus comes in. Look, I know real acting is focusing on the moment to moment actions of the character and not the lines, but its still gotta make me wonder? How did I ever remember who the character was?  If I was playing Blanche in a Streetcar, what prevented me from going back on stage as Stanley screaming Stellllaaaaaaaa!

Doesn't matter.  I never played Blanche in a Streetcar but I did play Rheba, the black maid in You Can't Take It With You.  I also played the role in Black Face.  No seriously, I was fourteen at the time and I had no idea that doing such a thing was deemed racist.  In fact, the stage director applauded the idea.  I wonder if he's still got his teaching license in the state of New Jersey.  If only I had had the parents in the audience flashing pictures! The were probably too busy arguing who forgot to bring the flashbulbs.  Oops, Sorry.  I meant these flashbulbs.

For those who have A.D.D., I highly suggest taking classes with Kim Schultz, an incredible improv teacher in New York.  I started taking class with her when I was eight months pregnant and my baby came out "giving me the finger".  Friend and family thought, "Oh, how cute!" but I knew it was Kim's class that made my baby funny.  I mean, her timing couldn't have been more perfect.  That's improv!

Come check out one of her shows this Sunday.

7 PM @ Ha! Comedy Club

163 West 46th Street  New York City 10036

$7 cover/1 drink