And it was.
By a postman.
Our meeting went something like this:
(Walking nonchalantly down the street)
Postman: Kali? Like the Goddess?
(I turn around)
Kali: Oh, Hey-seus!
Jesus: You remembered!
(Smile and an unnecessary hug exchange)
Kali: Wow, its been awhile! How have you been?
Jesus: Im still at the post office. (gaze falls on belly) I see you've been busy.
Kali: Yeah, it was unexpectedly expected...if that makes any sense.
Jesus: Hey, you remember the spiritual talks we had?
Kali: When I was buying stamps. Sure.
Jesus: And how there are no coincidences. Hey, did you ever do more research on your name?
Kali: Yeah, A little bit. She wears like shrunken heads around her neck.
Jesus: Right. We need to have another one of those spiritual talks. Come by my window.
Kali: I will.
Jesus: (clear gaze on my breasts again) When does your milk come in?
Kali: I beg your pardon?
Jesus: When are you due?
(Holding two imaginary melons in his hands at his chest)
Jesus: If you want more milk, I mean, really lots of milk, I have a secret for you.
(I self-consciously eyeball my breasts)
Jesus: Carrot juice!!
Kali: Carrot juice?
Jesus: If you want to see your breasts double in size by the time your milk comes in, drink lots of carrot juice.
Kali: Thanks. I'll keep that in mind.
Jesus: Something about the carotene. I remember my sister was drinking a lot of carrot juice and she said the milk would not stop flowing. It was like a faucet.
Kali: I think I need to go to the bathroom-
Jesus: OK, good to see you. Stop by window. Lets have one of those spiritual talks.
(start parting our ways)
Kali: OK. Will do.
(A block away he still mimes at his chest the weight of two melons in his hands)
Jesus: And don't forget! Carrot juice! Mark my words!
So last night, I had a dream that I show up at his window and this is who stands behind the counter:
I told my OBGYN but she says that experiencing nightmares and night sweats are common among some mothers.
Nothing a little late night carrot juice couldn't cure.