When The Milk's Gone Bad

When I was in high school, I was most capable of absorbing information when my teacher  "taught by example".  How very ironic, that I, now in the reversed role of teacher, am counseling you on the benefits of multi-tasking with the help of my fictitious friend here, Barabara:

If Barbara can multi-task, so can you. 

Many of you might be wondering, why does Barbara have what looks like two spray bottles hanging from her breasts and what outlandish point is Kali trying to make now?  Well, rather than be harshly critical, I ask you to please be patient, for I promise you there is a lesson to be learned here.

Barbara has two plastic bottles attached to her breast because she is being milked, or in suburban slang terms, "is pumping" milk for her baby, assuming there is one.  I know what half of you are thinking right now: "that milk is most likely heading into her bosses morning coffee" or "if Barbara serves tomato and mozzarella at her next dinner party, don't touch it".  Those statements are unfair.

Let's assume Barbara is NOT posing for a picture in a Sears portrait studio BUT RATHER-let's pretend here-that Barbara is sitting in the comfort of her own office doing what she does and what people with ADD do best, MULTI-TASKING.  And obviously Barbara's pearly white smile tells us she's no  beating herself up over multi-tasking.  Like many of us with ADD, we are constantly being critized by friends and family that our obsessive multi-tasking leads us to incessant failure and the inability to successfully complete a job well-done.  They are so quick to wave the winning ribbon in our face, "Look at me, look at me, I won another chess contest and that's because all I do with my life is play chess!"  They want us to go home and curl up in a little K-hole while deeply aspiring to be like them.  Well lemme tell you something, it ain't gonna happen because I never played chess but I was a hell-of-a-backgammon-player on roller skates.  It was the late 70's. Beat that.  But unfortunately, there were no "winning ribbons" for roller-skating-Backgammon players.

While Barbara is expressing milk from her breasts, she's got her yearly day planner resting on her lap and probably on the phone with her attorney after being fired from work because she was dictating to her new sixteen-year-old male intern while  "multi-tasking" in front of him.  The intern files a complaint The intern makes the moves on Barbara, Barbara complains to higher management and Barbara gets fired for "multi-tasking" on the job. Meanwhile, the milk's gone bad.  

Apply this anecdote to your life.  Have you ever been fired or referred to as a "lesser employee" because of your constant multi-tasking at work or your so-called "inability to stay focused for more than three minutes" at work? Before your start wishing that you were Barbara and had her kind of money to hire the best attorney to sue the pants off your boss, or are thinking that this was in fact another ludicrous post written by Kali that has taught me absolutely nothing, then you have completely missed the point.

Consider Susan's story:

Lets pretend that Susan is NOT posing for a picture in a Sears portrait studio BUT RATHER-Susan is sitting in the comfort of her ATTORNEY'S office.  Susan is on the phone informing her mother of the astronomical amount of money she was just awarded by the judge under the divorce laws of the state of California.  

Last year, Susan was on her way home from a long weekend trip to her mother's in Connecticut.   Susan, too, was breast-pumping at home, while putting away the days groceries when the phone rang. And then hung up. Susan cautiously stopped  putting away her groceries when she heard what sounded like the running of a shower head.  Still "multi-tasking", Susan headed her way towards the bathroom where, to her surprise, found her supposedly-hardworking accountant-of-a-husband in the shower with an underage Asian hooker.  

Moral of the story: If it weren't for Susan's "multi-tasking" abilities, she still would have been at her mother's breast-pumping and Susan would have never been witness to her husband's infidelity, therefore, never been awarded the 2. 5 million in assets. 

Sadly, Barbara's story does not have the optimistic ending that Susan's does.  Your story may not either but that's not the point.  The point is that ADD & MULTI-TASKING can only lead to life opening doors.  Don't let others tell you otherwise.

I hope you've learned something today.

Comments

[paisley]

well i don't know.. kind of makes me happy to be a non-multi-tasker,, if there is such a thing... after all... i don't have a boss and don't really feel like tomato and mozzarella at the moment......

[Charity]

Ummmm...is this really about the breast-pumping, or the ADDer's multitasking...because I can't seem to decide...because if it is about the breast-pumping, I used to breast-feed my son! For two years I did! And those things FALL OF YOUR BREASTS! They don't stick there like that! Barbara and Susan are so phony sitting there with their phony, corny smiles! Those things SO don't work that way! You totally have to hold them there, and even when you hold them there, they still slide off when the milk gets all squirty everywhere! AND! When they DO stick on real well, they stick SO HARD that you start screaming and when you try to pull them off, they stick harder and harder and then before you know it, you're crying and throwing those things away! I hate those things! Hmmph!

Wait...did my comment just sound sexual? Sorry, I was really just talking about the breast pumps.

[i eat snowman poop]

Yeah I am all about multi-tasking but I have to agree iwth chairty that breast pumping doesn't work like that. From my experience It's kind of a non multi tasking kind of event.