I won a writing contest! I think?

I have just been informed by Humor Press that I am a winner of their April/May writing contest!

I think?

It happened something like this:

I was walking around the apartment looking for something new to complain about when all of a sudden I logged into my email account and saw that the RESULTS WERE IN for the first and only writing contest that I have ever entered.

I immediately surfed to their website and saw that I was in fact NOT one of the top five winners.  I was not in First Place or Fifth Place.  Unlike parents of the Millennium Generation whose children were repeatedly told "you're all winners", my parents taught me that if you are not THE winner, you are a REAL loser.
"And go ahead, be a sore one if you'd like," they would say after docking my allowance for a week.  "That'll show you.  Maybe next time you can win."  And that's 'the fire under my ass' I often talk about that I still have thanks to my skillful folks.

As soon as I realized I was not in the top five, I began to question their validity.  Who is Humor Press anyway? What if its just a front...a front by some perverted middle-aged white guy in the middle of No Wheresville, Nebraska, running a hard corn porn website with a passion for comedy writing contests on the side?

I revert back to my email.  Another new unread message:

Congratulations from Humor Press!

Wow, and now I'm thinking, well that's really nasty.  Why are they making fun of me?

I keep reading and it says:

Your entry has been selected for publication as one of our Winners, Finalists, Semi-Finalists or Honorable Mentions in our April/ May 2008 "America's Funniest Humor"(tm) Writing Contest!

The image of the perverted Midwesterner had vanished. So what does this mean? I DO get a blue ribbon like the rest of them?  So I scroll and scroll and find that I am doubly confused now that I see myself and my personal essay listed as a semi-finalist with an honorable mention?

All I could think of was...was this like the honorable discharge was something my high school friend's older brother got in military?  And what's better?  A semi-finalist or an honorable mention?

And does this now mean I am officially a published writer?  Should I now be expecting other people to hold doors for me because I am trailing behind Louisa May Alcott and Jane Austen? (Did she just compare herself to...no, impossible)

And then another unread email:

Your Publicity Kit from Humor Press!

OK, so this is no joke!  If I'm getting a publicity kit I guess in no time does that mean I will be attending press junkets and hob knobbing with the best of them!  I guess this means I have to start reading books. Highlight my hair. Start smoking again.  Don't most writers smoke?

In all seriousness, thank you, Humor Press for choosing my entry, How to Vote Legally. Twice., as a winner in April/May's contest, although I am still confused what an honorable mention really is :)

So I Googled it.

And all I could find are the lyrics of Fall Out Boy's, Honorable Mention. Good song.

Reminds me of high school. And by the looks of the boyish lead singer, makes me feel like I could be the band member's mother.

    View blog reactions                

Comments

[paisley]

well i think this is wonderful.. and i do believe being a semi finalist is a winner,,, i know i would be thrilled to receive such an honor... makes me want to actually send something out....congrat's!!!!!

[Bryan]

Congrats! ... I think ;) Yep, we writers smoke, not just a little either, so might as well go buy a pack today... make sure they are made in the USA! lol

Have fun!

Bryan

[PlantBuddy]

It felt good reading that you had won. Who cares what level? You won doing something you like--writing. I'm a wanna be writer (older than you), but still hoping and would love to win a little recognition. Enjoy writing on my blog. Drop by, give me your opinion.

[PlantBuddy]

It felt good reading that you had won. Who cares what level? You won doing something you like--writing. I'm a wanna be writer (older than you), but still hoping and would love to win a little recognition. Enjoy writing on my blog. Drop by, give me your opinion.