Swallow or Spitzer; the tell-all autobiography by Ashley Alexandra Dupre

the tell I always wanted to be the person who brainstorms the witty headliners for the New York Post, but it seems that if notoriety is what I am seeking, I better start partaking in illegal activities considered 'disgraceful' by the majority of society.  It's a sure guarantee that after the story of my shameful illicit affair breaks, I will be immediately rewarded with a book deal, record deal or perhaps my own talk show. 
I am never one to judge call girls, hookers, male gigolo's or whatever you want to call them.  Hell, if I too, really wanted that limited edition Prada purse, I would probably consider selling my services to Al Gore in exchange for three grand and a handful of carbon credits.

I have to give the young, rich and beautiful Ashley Alexandra Dupre some credit: 

At 22, I certainly was not living in an upscale apartment in the Flatiron district but if I had had a john to run my career I would not have been housed in a dilapidated Queens apartment with decorative gunshot piercings on the front door. 

At 22, I didn't think of having a glossy 8 x 10 black and white photo of me sporting a black leather jacket, pursed lips over my shoulder and a bottle of Johnson's baby oil slathered in my hair. I just wasn't that creative. 

And at 22, I certainly did not have Ashley's gifted singing abilities. If I had, I would not have been working as a traveling elf entertaining preschoolers in remote regions of Pennsylvania.   

According to Freakonomics, the name Ashley is the most common low-Income white girl name, and if that is in fact true, the real brilliance of Ms. Dupre is her ability to prove she is anything but low-income.  The name Kali never got me free rides on a yacht, enchanted evenings at five star D.C hotel or a concierge  service  that would greet me with a head-bow and a hello whenever I came home after a night of political  shenanigans.

I have faith that Ashley a.k.a 'Kristen' will grow up and become a great motivational speaker. In the meantime, I'll friend her on Facebook and maybe my Jersey roots will give me V.I.P access to her little black book, or even better, an autographed copy of her soon-to-be-released tell-all book, Swallow or Spitzer; My Decision to Do the Dirty.

 

Comments

[SoupNumber5]

I hope her book is juicy. I want juicy details. All out well described document of her life as a high class call girl. I hope she can write though. Also... I hate Mondays and pray for three day weekends.

[People in the Sun]

Congratulations on that title. Your pun was better than mine, damnit.

And from what I've heard, she hasn't been 22 in a long time, so don't feel too bad. We can all still do it. Our singing careers will flourish, one governor at a time!

[Gray world]

Today’s media obsessed society confuses the famous with the infamous, notoriety with notorious. I’m sure that in today’s world Adolph Hitler would have had interviews in the ragazines, and we would have known what brand of shoes Eva Braun preferred. Is it boredom that causes us to sink to the bottom of the entertainment food chain? Is it affluence that spawns boredom? I know her book, merchandise, movie deal, whatever, will no doubt be successful. It simply demonstrates that we all need much more real things to occupy or lives. PS: Well written piece Kali.

[Roland Hulme]

Just one more reason for today's teenage girls to sod their education, quit working towards a career and do what Kirsten, Posh Spice etc. did and just start sleeping with somebody rich and/or famous.

I'm sure the suffragettes would be proud!

If it's any consolation, Kali, I'd rather read your blog than any ghostwritten tripe published in Ashley Alexandra Dupre's name.

[Yankee Doodle]

It's kind of like using a great deal of expletive-laced language to call for violence in society (done to some kind of simple beat, of course) and then becoming wealthy as a "rapper".

The things that people pay for...