Premature Sex and the Millenium Generation

I just caught two adolescents having sex in my building!

That's right!  In my building!  In the foyer is between two entrance doors is where I encountered the juvenile peepshow 5 PM this afternoon. 

I am thoroughly disgusted. 
I feel violated.
I have been victimized by a sexual break-in.   

Two city kids who don't look a day over fourteen.  Fourteen!
They should be imprisoned and shackled to a wall until recess.

Who are these kids and what are they doing having sex at fourteen?

Do they even know where to put it at fourteen....hang on, let me just craw up from under the rock I've been living.  Maybe I'm in denial.  Denial of facing the truth about sex and this so-called "Millennium Generation".

What was I doing when I was fourteen?

I was collecting Campbell Soup Labels door to door. I was playing Frogger on Atari. I was home by five, having dinner by six.  I was still sleeping with a Teddy Bear and a night light.

That is what we were doing.  We would walk over plush green grass, from suburban home to suburban home.  We would step inside a strangers home and wait patiently as they stripped every can of soup from their packed kitchen cupboards.  How dare you walk up to a stranger's home now for fear of the homeowner answering the door with his pants around his ankles.

Times have changed.

I embrace change. But not a pair of misguided youths reenacting their sexual fantasies on my doormat. 

So what did I do besides throw-up in an empty bucket of paint?   I ran after them.  Maniacally.  Just as the boy was hoisting up his pants and she was zippering up, belt still in hand, they clearly didn't make it ten feet from the front door until I started verbally whipping them. 

A Forest Gump, "Uh huh" is all I got from the boy after my reprimand.   And the girl was too busy trying to get the belt around her waist.  There was my opportunity to put the belt around her neck. Too many eyewitnesses.

List of things to do tomorrow:

1.     Buy a stun gun (the Taser c2)

2.    Use it.

Comments

[paisley]

well shit... where i come from... we were having sex and doing drugs.... but then,, that was a middle class suburb,... not the big city....

not in foyers mind you... but then again,,, we really didn't have any of those.....

[Roland Hulme]

Woah. And they weren't even embarrased by it?

I'll admit, I was probably thinking of nothing BUT sex when I was 14... But it was a long time before I put all that thought into practice.

I blame shows like The OC and Gossip Girl where thirty-five year old actors are pretending to be fifteen and sixteen and all the characters are sleeping with each other and nobody bats an eyelid.

[julian]

...aghhhh hahahaha...

yes. Tazer dah wee-over-ovulated-testiculated bitch bastards...

You so make'ah me laff, longtime Kali !!!
~julian

[SoupNumber5]

That is quite crazy... Crazy...

[SLS]

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