Placing A Limitation On Procreation

ADD Symptom:  No tolerance for dinner conversation with the Swiss and Famous.

Dinner conversation was stiff from the start. My husband and I were hosting a dinner at a fancy restaurant for some business clients and friends.  Between the second and third course one Swedish female X-model said she had to make an announcement.  Since her previous conversation consisted of how she spends her money, I was really looking forward to this announcement.   She fidgeted in her chair, heightened herself two or three inches and announced, “Me and Michael are expecting another baby.”
Mind you the dinner table was already peppered with five of their fair-haired kids ranging from three to ten years old.  Forced congratulations started going around the table as if they were rehearsed.  When it was my turn to express my enthusiasm for their baby-to-be, I said, “I’m sorry to hear that”. 

Dead Silence at the table. 

Two seconds later, a burst of laughter as if it was a joke.  It was no joke.

She swung her long, think blond hair back and said, “What did you say?”
“I said, I’m sorry to hear that. Was it an accident?”
Still unsure of how to take my comments she blurted, “Michael and I really want another child”.
“A sixth one?  Why, to start a baseball team?” I asked.
Then the other voices started mumbling over the uncomfortable conversation hoping I would change the subject.
Glaring defensively she said, “No, I love having a big family.”
“So do the Brady’s and the Bradford’s but that was television in the 70’s and this is ‘07", I added.
“I don’t care what year it is, I just love to take care of them.”
“So do your two nannies, I said sarcastically.”
“Are you saying I‘m a bad mother because I have help?”
“I’m not saying it, but your kids will.”
“So what are you trying to say?”
“I’m just saying, whether you worked on Wall Street or made quilts and sold them at street fairs, that would justify you having two nannies. But all you do is lunch.  That’s all you’ve been talking about the last half hour. And lunching will only make you fat and who wants to be fat with six kids? Certainly not your god-looking husband. Personally, I would feel a bit like a Retriever. Having a litter of pups around me and not knowing if another one is going to pop out.”

I don’t know if its ADD and an uncontrollable firing of the tongue, as my therapist would say, but its moments like these where I just can’t stop. I wanna say like it is.  With no second thoughts, just a true stream of consciousness. Plus, she was on my tab so I figured all the more reason to tell her the truth.
I had no intention to humiliate Swiss Miss in front of the other guests, I just wanted to say in front of her what other people say behind her back. 

Nothing bothers me more than couples who place no limitations on their procreation.  I don’t care if you’re Catholic, Mormon or of a religion that believes the more sons you have the more explosives you can strap on them, there’s just no reason to have that many kids when there’s so many damn people already.

As I made my casual exit from the table  that evening, I felt I owed her an apology for being so opinionated.  So I bent down to where she was still seated and I whispered, "You might wanna lay off the fondue while you lunch or your husband's gonna be enjoying more hot totties in the ski lodge. It was nice meeting you".

I have been officially banned from business dinners.

 



 

Comments

[I Eat Snowman Poop]

I would be hard pressed not to say the very same thing. I don't understand people who keeping having kids and then of course can't handle them.

[paisley]

you go girl... damn those "breeders" anyway...

[lakedaemon]

I'll be the first to admit that had I been at that dinner I would be the one embarrassingly trying to hide under the table, not because I disagree with what you said, but because I have a fear of causing a stir. Ironically, ADHD may be a cause but it is us cowards who have the problem. Sometimes, I wish I could just say what everyone is thinking...

[Goldy]

Wow!!!!

Ok... honestly... I am not into insulting people for their choices (assuming those choices are not hateful, ignorant or intolerant) so I can't high-five with you on this one; however, she sounds like an awful person so maybe she just deserved to be slammed. I must say... you did a hell of a job of it.

My brother has 4 kids and they all pretty much rock and make his life complete so I am not really sure where the threshold for too many is.

p.s. Have you ever been in a fist fight?

[Rob Dunn]

Overpopulation - I think 2 kids are OK, 3 is pushing it, but man, after that...6? If you had a farm, then sure, I might think it would be OK...

Then there are people like Michelle Duggar, who has had 16 kids. My god. There are TONS of foster children who would love to have a good life.

In any case, bravo - good post.

[Bryan]

I wasn't diagnosed with ADD until I was 37 and then I went home, looked in the mirror and said "oh, that's why I can't shutup when I am ahead, but then again, it could be because I have never really been ahead?

Thanks for this post -- it was perfect!

Bryan